Back on.

I'm working it out - even with a luncheon and BBQ, I've managed to stay within my calories or a little over for the past two days.  I've gone from 185.5 when I got home from vacation four days ago to 178.6 this morning, which is a doable 4.3 pounds away from my lowest.  Thank god.

It wasn't easy.  I actually didn't eat after 4pm yesterday, other than a meager cup of tea around 10pm.  I didn't even drink, and for me not to drink, especially when I'm around family, now that's big.  But it's good practice considering my husband and I have had to unexpectedly change our plans to adopt.

We are still waiting for a response from the agency in regards to a few questions we had, but basically there is too much uncertainty with the country we would adopt from.  I would hate to wager the funds and time involved and not get a child as the end result.  Looks like we might have to have kids the old fashion way. 

Not necessarily a bad thing, there would be perks to this as well.  Albeit selfish, the one thing I'm concerned about is gaining all the weight back and then some.  The last thing I want for my child, is for them to have an overweight mother.  More so than genetics, I worry that overweight parents socialize their children to emotionally eat and become overweight themselves.  My entire family has weight issues, and although my husband is perceived to be average weight, he has terrible eating habits.  Between the two of us, we really have to keep ourselves in check.

So, as I said to myself while on vacation, I plan on treating my eating habits as a drug addiction.  No more binge eating.  No more "off days".  I can eat what I want, but I have to stay within my calories.  No matter if I'm at a family function.  No matter if it's 4pm and I ate all my calories for the day.  No matter if I have to walk something off for 5 hours.  I'm done with the excuses.  I've been hanging out in the classifiable "obese" 170s for too long.  I just want to be overweight, goddammit!