Fat.

It's how I feel.  I get like this the same time every month, but it continuously happens, and I pig out like no one's business.  I need to go to OA.  I will look up times when I get back from vacation next week.

Now tell me this isn't fate of some sort..  My husband and I decided to seriously consider international adoption last weekend.  We found an adoption agency we would like to pursue Korean adoption with.  After reading the materials they sent us, and information we researched online, I found out that you can only be 30% over the healthy weight for your height.

At my lowest weight in this journey I am 3 lbs away from the maximum weight.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think my weight of all things would prevent me from adopting.  You think about the expense, the logistics, working out daycare after the fact, integrating the child into our family, being parents for the first time.  But I never thought my weight would be a barrier in eventually being a mom through adoption. 

It's ironic to think that to have a child biologically I would have to risk gaining a ridiculous amount of weight, but to adopt a child, I have to be careful and stay on my plan or risk not being eligible to adopt.  That's some deep stuff to consider.

Just another reason to keep on trucking.

This weekend was bad though.  I had three good days last week, and I failed again today.  Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday - I have to be on.  I go on vacation starting next Saturday and when I get back, it's got to be consistant and it's got to be every day for at least a month.  You heard it first here.  I just stepped on the scale now - my lowest was 174.2 and I just weighed 179.1.  Granted I usually gain 3 or 4 pounds over my piggie weekend - but really?  Almost 5 lbs?  And eating olives and mozzerella cheese and Italian pastries for lunch that were soggily left over from someone else's Mother's Day?  Horrible.  Just horrible.