S-U-C-C-E-S-S

I weighed in yesterday at 174.2 - 60.8lbs gone!  I still have so long to go, but I feel such a sweet victory so far.  I've been watching Addicted to Food on the OWN Network, a reality show where they feature people with all different eating disorders - bulimia, anorexia, compulsive eating disorder, etc. - in a treatment facility.  One of the activities they had the clients complete last episode was to burn their excuses for eating the way they do.  Here are some of mine I will proverbially burn via documenting in my blog:

• I deserve to overeat as means to reward myself
• I need to overeat as a means to socialize
• I'm meant to be fat - it's hereditary
• I'm too busy to exercise or cook every night
• It's a holiday
• I'm on vacation
• I love to cook
• I don't want to waste the food I'm given in a restaurant

Reasons I want to keep this weight off and continue down this road of losing:

• I feel better about myself & have more self-confidence
• I'm healthier and more fit
• I no longer have shortness of breathe
• I no longer have tingling in my feet
• I can shop in a regular sized store - NO MORE PLUS SIZE!
• I will be more marketable for jobs and/or promotions (terrible, but true)
• I have more energy
• I fit in a chair better
• I will be more comfortable on a plane
• I don't feel like the biggest person in the room
• I won't be scrutinized when I eat in public

Weirdest thing is that I'm fitting in some MEDIUMS already, which I didn't even see as foreseeable until I was around 150, so that's pretty good.  Chances are, I might be a small if I actually meet my goal weight of 130.  What I really want to start working on, especially as I lose more is having less of these "cheat" days where I eat enormous amounts of food.  Until I stop that, I will still be a compulsive over eater.

Take yesterday, for instance:

• 2 pieces light whole wheat bread toasted w/ 1 T. nuttella and 1 T. raspberry sugar free jam
• 2 pieces light whole wheat bread w/ 1 T. nuttella and 1 T. raspberry sugar free jam
• orange
• light and fit yogurt
• 1 piece of french bread toasted w/garlic, melted mozzarella dipped in marinara
• 3 bud light beers
• 1 chocolate raspberry martini
• 1 bikini martini (fruity)
• 1/2 serving vegetarian nachos
• 1 piece Italian bread dipped in infused oil
• Few spoonfuls of fusilli Alfredo
• Few spoonfuls of ice cream sundae
• 2 hours of gardening/raking (my butt and hands hurt this morning)
• 20 minute walk at 3.5 mph

Granted, I didn't eat everything that was in front of me - normally I finish my plate until there is nothing left.  I totally wasted a lot of food, which was good.  But the choices were not so great.  So that is my goal the next few weekends.

All in all, it was a good week!

Almost at the big 6-0..

I'm 0.2 lbs. away from the big 60!  175.2 pounds as of this morning.  I'm doing really well this week.  Really motivated.

Today:

2 pieces whole wheat light bread w/1 T. raspberry sugar free jam & 1/2 T. whipped butter
2 pieces whole wheat light bread w/1 T. nuttella and 1 T. raspberry sugar free jam
1 orange
1 light and fit yogurt
8 oz. tilapia bread w/panko bread crumbs
1 cup spinach
1 corn-on-the-cob w/ 1/2 T. whipped butter, salt & pepper
1 yam w/ 1/2 T. whipped butter, splenda and cinnamon
30 minutes at 3.5 mph on the treadmill
20 minutes moderate strength training
30 minutes on elliptical
30 minutes moderate strength training (part II)

Hopefully tomorrow I will reach my milestone.

Moving on up...

I was bored tonight and went to Old Navy to try on clothes for shits and giggles.  I comfortably fit into size 12 pants - was pretty happy about that.  Yes, I know Old Navy runs big.  But the point is, back in August 2010, I couldn't even fit into size 20.

I weighed myself Saturday morning - 176.4 - 7.9 pounds to lose to meet my next mini-goal.  Bring it on!  Tomorrow's kickboxing, I am ready to go!

Today:

• orange
• 2 slices whole wheat bread w/1 T. honey apple butter and 1 T. peanut butter
• 7.5 oz. broiled salmon
• 1 corn-on-the-cob w/ 1/2 T. whipped butter, pepper and salt (YUMM-O)
• 1 baked sweet potato w/ 1 T. whipped butter, cinnamon and splenda
• 1 C. green beans sauteed' w/pam, salt and pepper
• another orange
• 25 minutes on elliptical
• 15 minutes walking 3.5 mph
• 20 minutes strength training
• 1 hr. retail therapy

Until next time..

I fail again. Kinda.

I'm having one of those horrible, hormonal days.  The kind of day where you go to buy Easter candy for your thirty something year old husband who only likes one kind of candy for Easter, three days before the actual holiday, only to realize that the shelves are empty due to the hyper vigilant suburbanites that have planned ahead, cleaning off the shelves in advance to please their spoiled children who expect Christmas-equivalent gifts on Easter Sunday.  Kill me please.  Then I yelled at said husband after foregoing my lunchtime exercise to run around feverishly to several different stores searching between countless bags of the leftover no-frills jelly beans and coming up with NOTHING I NEED.  Poor guy said he would pick up his own Easter candy.  But the damage was done.  I was in a rage, went back to work and ate leftover cake from yesterday's celebratory events.  Two hunks resulting caloric damages to the tune of 600.

I'm going kickboxing in a half hour.  May I not come home and stuff my face.

I have good news, and I have bad news.

The good news is I did cardio for one hour and burned 414 calories.  The bad news is I fail when potlucks take place and ate 2,781 calories.  But on the brighter side, I only ate an 80 calorie breakfast this morning and haven't eaten since my 12:30pm smorgasbord.

My shameful log of the day:

• 1 1/4 cup sliced strawberries w/splenda
• 1 piece of fried chicken thigh 
• 1 buffalo chicken wing
• 3 T. seven layer taco dip w/tortilla chips
• 5 T. buffalo chicken dip w/3 large round crackers
• 1/2 cup potato salad
• 1 small piece chicken francese
• 1 canoli
• 3 rainbow cookies
• 1/2 piece chocolate cake
• 2 pieces pineapple upside down cake
• 3/4 piece chocolate covered cheesecake
• 8 8 oz. glasses of water
• 2 8 oz. glasses diet coke
• 30 minutes on the elliptical
• 30 minutes walking 3.5-3.7 mph

The game plan for tomorrow: kickboxing part deux for the week.

Today was a good day!

I had the day off yesterday, but got a lot done at work on my day back.  I ate well and ended the day with kickboxing, which is always a rush.  Tomorrow is our office potluck, so I'm a little nervous about "staying on", especially since I'm bringing a cake.  I'll report back tomorrow.  I fully expect to eat, but my goal is to not overindulge too much.  A little taste of this and that will be fine.

Time to watch "Addicted to Food" on the OWN network.  It's actually a pretty good program.

Weighed in at 178.0 when I got home from work - 177.1 is my lowest so far, not too far off from there now.  I'm recovering pretty quickly from my 4 pound gain from a bad week.

My log today:

1 cup of tea w/ splenda
7 8 oz. glasses of water
1 1/2 cups sliced strawberries with splenda
1 T. honey apple butter w/ 1 T. peanut butter on light wheat bread
1 medium orange
1 light and fit yogurt
2 oz. whole wheat penne w/ 1/2 cup part skim mozzarella, 1/3 cup ricotta, 1/2 cup marinara, 2 T Parmesan and 1 1/2 cup broccoli florets (aka my healthy ziti)
55 minutes walking at a moderate pace
15 minutes kickboxing (bag)
45 minutes cardio kickboxing

I will post tomorrow.  Hopefully, I don't binge.

I want all things bad for me.

I have the day off today, after going away and eating atrociously all weekend (let's be honest, week) long.  I started off bad yesterday morning, but by the end of the day I managed to only go over by 200 calories.  Considering my breakfast was 961 calories, I consider that a triumph.

Yesterday:

• Oat bran bagel with 3 tablespoons of whipped butter (crazy, I know)
• 1 silver dollar-sized pancake w/ 2 T. maple syrup
• 1 sausage patty
• 1 piece bacon
• 1 medium size orange
• 3 cups lettuce
• 1 cup cucumber
• 7 grape tomatoes
• 1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese
• 1 T. slivered almonds
• 4 T. fat free raspberry vinaigrette
• 2 T. low fat cool whip
• 2 servings sugar free Jell-O
• 1 chocolate Italian ice

Today, so far:

• 1 piece light whole wheat bread w/ 1/2 T. Nutella (love it)
• 1 medium orange
• 1/2 serving Tuna Macaroni Salad (elbow macaroni, tuna, green pepper, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, hard boiled egg, low fat mayo, celery salt and pepper)
• 1 medium orange

Tonight I'm dragging myself to the gym for a hard-core 2 hour workout to kickoff the week.  Tomorrow I have plans with a friend to go kickboxing, then Wednesday night, plans to go spinning.  I never did go spinning yet, we'll see how that goes.  I have another company potluck lunch on Wednesday, which is my horrible, admitted downfall.  I'm bringing dessert, which won't help the issue.  I'm hoping I keep things under control because with Easter this weekend, I'm not sure how my eating will be.  Anytime I'm around my family, I have a hard time.  I still sense hostility from them, that I've done as well as I'm doing. 

My goal is to really try to keep at this.  I went from 177.1 April 8 to 181.7 last night, down to 180.1 this morning, if that makes any sense at all.  I really need to lose this week, I'm too damn close to 60 lbs, which I'll reach when I hit 175.  My next mini-goal is 168.5.  HELP!!

I fail at life.

No.  It's really not that bad.  It's just been a bad week or so.  How come when I'm good, I'm great, but when I'm bad, I'm really, really, really, really bad?  My weight it still around the same - I'm teetering around 177.something.  I haven't lost anything significant in two weeks - I would have if I didn't go off the wagon the last two days.

Take last week for instance - there was an unexpected buffet of veggies, fruits.....and dips, chips last week.  I started off good - some fruit and veggies, one pita chip.  They I went back for more veggies.  Then more fruit.  Then more chips and dip.  Then one serving of dessert.  Then my second serving of dessert.  By the time I got a hold of myself I had over 2000 calories of snacks, so then I went home and made fried chicken too.  This was on a Wednesday.  I have true problems with binge eating.  It's terrible.

Today, again.  I got back from my 3 mile walk at lunch.  Had some popcorn and chocolate.  Went on another 3 mile walk after work.  Went out to a bar for mashed potatoes, beer and hamburger.  Then stopped for ice cream by myself on the way home.  Seriously - what the fuck is wrong with me?

I'm trying to use the excuse that I'm getting my period this week - or that work is really stressful - or that I've been going out of town every weekend and nothing is more exciting than trying food in different places - but really?  Is all of this necessary?  Not to mention, last night (Wednesday night), I drank an entire bottle of champagne all by myself as a way to calm myself down from a hectic day at work.  Really?  This isn't good.

I'll keep writing and my intention is to get back on the horse after my third weekend trip this month, when I return on Monday.  I also have the day off, so it will be a day of the five hour workout perhaps.  Get things started the right way.  This is just ridiculous at this point.  I don't want to gain a bunch of weight back before I get back on the horse. 

I'm so close to 60 pounds I can taste it.  Wait - maybe not the best analogy....