Title says it all this weekend.
Off Thursday, on Friday, off Saturday, off Sunday, on Monday. I had it today - had my husband hide my scales. He is under no circumstances to tell me where the scales are, no matter how loudly I cry, scream or freak out. I'm so sick of the ups and downs and the blatant guilt between each small triumph. Looking at my weigh-ins on the sidebar, it's glaringly obvious I haven't gotten very far the last several months. I'm hoping not weighing myself will stop hindering me from moving forward.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
One small step..
When I got home from work tonight, I finally got to 173.7 - another lowest number. Somehow, I dropped three pounds since yesterday. Tells us how much water weighs, since I definitely didn't lose 12 pounds of fat this week or it would be drastically noticable. So my new goal - 172s by Saturday.
Food today:
1 1/2 c. halved strawberries
1 c. sugar free jello
4 T. whipped topping
1 3/4 oz. chicken breast w/ 1 T. light mayo, several cherry tomatos and 1 thin slice American cheese on two pieces of light whole wheat bread
1 large navel orange
2 pieces of "Buffalo Chicken Fiesta" - casserole with bisquick, cubed chicken w/buffalo sauce, peppers, onions and shredded cheddar, topped with a dollop of sour cream (298 calories per serving - delicious)
Exercise:
Walked 2 hours at a moderate pace (1 hour on lunch, 1 hour after work)
Day six - success!
Food today:
1 1/2 c. halved strawberries
1 c. sugar free jello
4 T. whipped topping
1 3/4 oz. chicken breast w/ 1 T. light mayo, several cherry tomatos and 1 thin slice American cheese on two pieces of light whole wheat bread
1 large navel orange
2 pieces of "Buffalo Chicken Fiesta" - casserole with bisquick, cubed chicken w/buffalo sauce, peppers, onions and shredded cheddar, topped with a dollop of sour cream (298 calories per serving - delicious)
Exercise:
Walked 2 hours at a moderate pace (1 hour on lunch, 1 hour after work)
Day six - success!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Still plowing through.
Day five - check! I'm blogging more frequently as a means to be accountable to other people. At this point I've lost just short of 9 lbs since last Wednesday, albeit, mostly water weight. But I'll take it.
Today:
1 1/2 c. halved strawberries w/ 4 T. lite cool whip
2 oz. chicken breast w/ 1 thin slice white American cheese and tomato on 2 pieces lite whole wheat bread
1 large navel orange
1 c. steamed spinach
1 corn-on-the-cob w/ 1/2 tsp. whipped butter, salt & pepper
1 yam w/ 1/2 tsp. whipped butter, cinnamon & splenda
1 4 oz. piece of chicken breaded with lemon zest, thyme, whole wheat bread crumbs and a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese
1 hour walk at 3mph uphill (hey, it was hot out today)
176.6 - lowest so far is 174.2. If I could get down to 173 by Friday/Saturday, I would be happy.
Today:
1 1/2 c. halved strawberries w/ 4 T. lite cool whip
2 oz. chicken breast w/ 1 thin slice white American cheese and tomato on 2 pieces lite whole wheat bread
1 large navel orange
1 c. steamed spinach
1 corn-on-the-cob w/ 1/2 tsp. whipped butter, salt & pepper
1 yam w/ 1/2 tsp. whipped butter, cinnamon & splenda
1 4 oz. piece of chicken breaded with lemon zest, thyme, whole wheat bread crumbs and a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese
1 hour walk at 3mph uphill (hey, it was hot out today)
176.6 - lowest so far is 174.2. If I could get down to 173 by Friday/Saturday, I would be happy.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Working it out.
Day four back on was a success.
Today's food intake:
1.5 cups halved strawberries with 3 T. lite cool whip
2 oz. deli chicken breast on 2 slices light whole wheat bread w/ 5 cherry tomatoes and 1 T. light mayo
2 60 calorie pastries (small, but worth it)
1 light and fit strawberry banana yogurt
1 navel orange
cold, shredded chicken from 1 bone-in breast w/ Franks red hot sauce
1 yam w/ 1/2 tsp. whipped butter, cinnamon and splenda
1 1/2 cups of mixed spinach and green beans
1 corn-on-the-cob w/ 1/2 tsp. whipped butter, salt & pepper
3 servings sugar-free jello w/ 3 T. cool whip
Today's exercise:
20 minutes on the elliptical
10 minutes on treadmill at 3.6 mph
20 minutes strength training
I really pushed through the exercise today. It was my first day back at work from my vacation and I was UNHAPPY! Hopefully I keep it going through the week. Down to 177.7 this morning - lucky #7..
Today's food intake:
1.5 cups halved strawberries with 3 T. lite cool whip
2 oz. deli chicken breast on 2 slices light whole wheat bread w/ 5 cherry tomatoes and 1 T. light mayo
2 60 calorie pastries (small, but worth it)
1 light and fit strawberry banana yogurt
1 navel orange
cold, shredded chicken from 1 bone-in breast w/ Franks red hot sauce
1 yam w/ 1/2 tsp. whipped butter, cinnamon and splenda
1 1/2 cups of mixed spinach and green beans
1 corn-on-the-cob w/ 1/2 tsp. whipped butter, salt & pepper
3 servings sugar-free jello w/ 3 T. cool whip
Today's exercise:
20 minutes on the elliptical
10 minutes on treadmill at 3.6 mph
20 minutes strength training
I really pushed through the exercise today. It was my first day back at work from my vacation and I was UNHAPPY! Hopefully I keep it going through the week. Down to 177.7 this morning - lucky #7..
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Back on.
I'm working it out - even with a luncheon and BBQ, I've managed to stay within my calories or a little over for the past two days. I've gone from 185.5 when I got home from vacation four days ago to 178.6 this morning, which is a doable 4.3 pounds away from my lowest. Thank god.
It wasn't easy. I actually didn't eat after 4pm yesterday, other than a meager cup of tea around 10pm. I didn't even drink, and for me not to drink, especially when I'm around family, now that's big. But it's good practice considering my husband and I have had to unexpectedly change our plans to adopt.
We are still waiting for a response from the agency in regards to a few questions we had, but basically there is too much uncertainty with the country we would adopt from. I would hate to wager the funds and time involved and not get a child as the end result. Looks like we might have to have kids the old fashion way.
Not necessarily a bad thing, there would be perks to this as well. Albeit selfish, the one thing I'm concerned about is gaining all the weight back and then some. The last thing I want for my child, is for them to have an overweight mother. More so than genetics, I worry that overweight parents socialize their children to emotionally eat and become overweight themselves. My entire family has weight issues, and although my husband is perceived to be average weight, he has terrible eating habits. Between the two of us, we really have to keep ourselves in check.
So, as I said to myself while on vacation, I plan on treating my eating habits as a drug addiction. No more binge eating. No more "off days". I can eat what I want, but I have to stay within my calories. No matter if I'm at a family function. No matter if it's 4pm and I ate all my calories for the day. No matter if I have to walk something off for 5 hours. I'm done with the excuses. I've been hanging out in the classifiable "obese" 170s for too long. I just want to be overweight, goddammit!
It wasn't easy. I actually didn't eat after 4pm yesterday, other than a meager cup of tea around 10pm. I didn't even drink, and for me not to drink, especially when I'm around family, now that's big. But it's good practice considering my husband and I have had to unexpectedly change our plans to adopt.
We are still waiting for a response from the agency in regards to a few questions we had, but basically there is too much uncertainty with the country we would adopt from. I would hate to wager the funds and time involved and not get a child as the end result. Looks like we might have to have kids the old fashion way.
Not necessarily a bad thing, there would be perks to this as well. Albeit selfish, the one thing I'm concerned about is gaining all the weight back and then some. The last thing I want for my child, is for them to have an overweight mother. More so than genetics, I worry that overweight parents socialize their children to emotionally eat and become overweight themselves. My entire family has weight issues, and although my husband is perceived to be average weight, he has terrible eating habits. Between the two of us, we really have to keep ourselves in check.
So, as I said to myself while on vacation, I plan on treating my eating habits as a drug addiction. No more binge eating. No more "off days". I can eat what I want, but I have to stay within my calories. No matter if I'm at a family function. No matter if it's 4pm and I ate all my calories for the day. No matter if I have to walk something off for 5 hours. I'm done with the excuses. I've been hanging out in the classifiable "obese" 170s for too long. I just want to be overweight, goddammit!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Getting back on the horse. Man, does it suck.
My name is SuNFLoWeRHaPPy and I'm a food addict.
I didn't do so well the week before I went on vacation - so I would say it's been close to two weeks that I've been "off." I tried yesterday to get back on the horse, and due to circumstances outside my weight issues, I literally had a fit and made a plate of nachos and had a beer. Today, I okay - a little less than 1400 calories and burned about 450 calories. I'm starving and my mood is fluctuating like an addict trying avoid her "fix." I'm not sure who I feel bad for more - myself for feeling starved and dejected or my husband for putting up with me.
I was down to 174.2 and I weighed 185.5 when I came back - pitiful, terrible, disgusting. My face, my stomach, my back and my arms all look blown up. Maybe it's the salt. As of this morning, even with my pitiful binge yesterday, I was down to 181.6. My goal is to get back down to my lowest by next weekend.
I need to really get this moving towards my goal. I'm too close to my next mini-goal of 168.5 to be gaining so much weight back. From there, I only have another 18.5 lbs. to be 150 and then an additional 20 to my goal of 130.
I tried on clothes when I was away. I fit into 12's still, and medium for some shirts and large for others. Please, please, please, let me get back on the wagon and continue in the fight against this horrible addiction.
I didn't do so well the week before I went on vacation - so I would say it's been close to two weeks that I've been "off." I tried yesterday to get back on the horse, and due to circumstances outside my weight issues, I literally had a fit and made a plate of nachos and had a beer. Today, I okay - a little less than 1400 calories and burned about 450 calories. I'm starving and my mood is fluctuating like an addict trying avoid her "fix." I'm not sure who I feel bad for more - myself for feeling starved and dejected or my husband for putting up with me.
I was down to 174.2 and I weighed 185.5 when I came back - pitiful, terrible, disgusting. My face, my stomach, my back and my arms all look blown up. Maybe it's the salt. As of this morning, even with my pitiful binge yesterday, I was down to 181.6. My goal is to get back down to my lowest by next weekend.
I need to really get this moving towards my goal. I'm too close to my next mini-goal of 168.5 to be gaining so much weight back. From there, I only have another 18.5 lbs. to be 150 and then an additional 20 to my goal of 130.
I tried on clothes when I was away. I fit into 12's still, and medium for some shirts and large for others. Please, please, please, let me get back on the wagon and continue in the fight against this horrible addiction.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Fat.
It's how I feel. I get like this the same time every month, but it continuously happens, and I pig out like no one's business. I need to go to OA. I will look up times when I get back from vacation next week.
Now tell me this isn't fate of some sort.. My husband and I decided to seriously consider international adoption last weekend. We found an adoption agency we would like to pursue Korean adoption with. After reading the materials they sent us, and information we researched online, I found out that you can only be 30% over the healthy weight for your height.
At my lowest weight in this journey I am 3 lbs away from the maximum weight.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think my weight of all things would prevent me from adopting. You think about the expense, the logistics, working out daycare after the fact, integrating the child into our family, being parents for the first time. But I never thought my weight would be a barrier in eventually being a mom through adoption.
It's ironic to think that to have a child biologically I would have to risk gaining a ridiculous amount of weight, but to adopt a child, I have to be careful and stay on my plan or risk not being eligible to adopt. That's some deep stuff to consider.
Just another reason to keep on trucking.
This weekend was bad though. I had three good days last week, and I failed again today. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday - I have to be on. I go on vacation starting next Saturday and when I get back, it's got to be consistant and it's got to be every day for at least a month. You heard it first here. I just stepped on the scale now - my lowest was 174.2 and I just weighed 179.1. Granted I usually gain 3 or 4 pounds over my piggie weekend - but really? Almost 5 lbs? And eating olives and mozzerella cheese and Italian pastries for lunch that were soggily left over from someone else's Mother's Day? Horrible. Just horrible.
Now tell me this isn't fate of some sort.. My husband and I decided to seriously consider international adoption last weekend. We found an adoption agency we would like to pursue Korean adoption with. After reading the materials they sent us, and information we researched online, I found out that you can only be 30% over the healthy weight for your height.
At my lowest weight in this journey I am 3 lbs away from the maximum weight.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think my weight of all things would prevent me from adopting. You think about the expense, the logistics, working out daycare after the fact, integrating the child into our family, being parents for the first time. But I never thought my weight would be a barrier in eventually being a mom through adoption.
It's ironic to think that to have a child biologically I would have to risk gaining a ridiculous amount of weight, but to adopt a child, I have to be careful and stay on my plan or risk not being eligible to adopt. That's some deep stuff to consider.
Just another reason to keep on trucking.
This weekend was bad though. I had three good days last week, and I failed again today. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday - I have to be on. I go on vacation starting next Saturday and when I get back, it's got to be consistant and it's got to be every day for at least a month. You heard it first here. I just stepped on the scale now - my lowest was 174.2 and I just weighed 179.1. Granted I usually gain 3 or 4 pounds over my piggie weekend - but really? Almost 5 lbs? And eating olives and mozzerella cheese and Italian pastries for lunch that were soggily left over from someone else's Mother's Day? Horrible. Just horrible.
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